Monday, February 20, 2012

GOD, I AM SORRY.

My Facebook status:

Had a long talk with Mother, and a lot of realizations have been exposed. To all my "enemies", those who don't like me for reasons I don't even know, and to the people I've hurt.. Sorry. I'm tired of wasting my precious time with these "negatives". Time to finally grow up.. God is forgiving, and I don't want to abuse Him. I'm done.

Yes, I'm done.

As I waste my time judging people I don't even know that well, the rain pours down so hard, just as hard as my head is when I answer back to my mother, or rebel against people who don't fully comply with my needs. Yes, those significant people whom I've ignored and insulted in even the slightest way matters. A lot. I've got issues, obviously, but not as obvious as the hurt my loved ones have been coping with for the past years. Oh, how normal it is for a teenager to be "one with the crowd".. I don't really go bar-hopping, nor am I fond of going out to parties and the like, but one thing's for sure, I'm no different than the 60% of the teenagers who do these things when it comes to attitude towards friends, and towards their families, and no, I'm not talking about the good side- the bad ones, too.

THERE ARE NO GENERALIZATIONS HERE.. JUST FACING REALITY.

So as I was being the sloth I am, lying down in bed, being unproductive and browsing to probably the most useless stuff anyone could ever search on, my mother approached me and we had another "religious talk", as we always do; only, this time, it seemed different. Way, way different. I felt warm and cold at the same time, and no great physician, not even my Father for that matter, could explain the sudden gush of feelings and emotions that has come my way- and not in a welcoming manner, if I may say so myself; nevertheless, the feeling was amazing. I was in complete awe- tongue-tied with words I don't even know what, and bewildered with such massive flashbacks. Yes, the flashbacks.. Those you often see in cartoons. Exactly.


FREE.

I've never felt so free in my whole life. It's like all of the negative thoughts in my head have been washed away.. Away to a forbidden land- A land of hope that has been doubted, and dreams that are horribly shattered. Even that certain place could become a joyful one, if only the right attitude and determination were present. Like me, we all make mistakes. I admit, I admit.. I'm not a "good girl", especially these days.. I've been naughty- no, please don't think of it as something gross or having much connection to sex. No, not that.

Point said, and that's all there is to it. I hope all of us would realize that this life is temporary- that there's another life that lies beyond our own today. Better than all the luxuries we possess at the moment.

So, as I breathe in the positives, hold my breath for a few seconds, and then, breathe out all else that doesn't matter, I apologize greatly to everyone I've hurt, and to those who see me as some kind of bad person, I'll pray for you. I hope you'll come to a realization as well that these actions will get you no where.

(: God bless us all. :)

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